Feeling Guilty

I was feeling particularly miserable and guilty about not working hard enough. I was so sick of feeling guilty, I just wanted this feeling to go away. Sigh... :( Anyway, let's go back to my earliest memory of guilt. I chuckled as I remembered an early memory. I had gone to PUB with my friends when my mother had told me specifically not to. I remembered feeling 'what kind of person was I to disobey? There must be something wrong with me. I must be a bad person. I didn't know it at the time, but I thought if I could feel bad enough, maybe it would make me act "right".

When I was in Vocational High School, I didn't feel like studying Maths. After years or so into the last semester, I started missing some classes. I felt guilty every time. I thought about how I was wasting my parent's money, how I wasn't disciplined enough, how if I was a good student. I would make myself go, consequently. I felt bad every time I skipped Maths and slept in then class.